apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
