Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize