My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
