I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
