no. you can't hotbox the world.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize