All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
