We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
