Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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