As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
