I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize