Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You made out with two different species that night
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
