He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize