I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
