I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
