I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
