One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
