just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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