The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
