Nicole vs. Life
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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