so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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