Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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