i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she peed on how many people?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
