Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
