erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
