So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
