she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize