Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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