Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just had sex on a roof
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
not ubering you a puppy
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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