dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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