dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
