I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
