You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize