we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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