i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
