Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
