I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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