I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
