she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
