I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The struggles of a small town man whore
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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