Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
