I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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