Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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