Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
