i used baking grease as lip gloss
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
