i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
