i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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