wanna go halves on a baby?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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