Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
