I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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