i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
