I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
