I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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