worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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