i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
