how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
