Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
