dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
