Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
