just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
