My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize