her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
its liver damage thursday
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
