Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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