That's when you crack a 10am beer
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
