drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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