Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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