I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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