We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize