dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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