$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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