Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
