just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize