I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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