Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
