i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
