I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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