i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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