Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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