Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize