i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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