I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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