I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
