She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
