going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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