Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
