there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
