your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
