I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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