she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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