i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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