Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
