You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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