This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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