epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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