allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
