yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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