I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
