there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
