apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
