She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize