So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
