My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
